Hopeful plans

By this point I'm as tired of saying it as you all are of reading it, but over the next year I actually want to focus on my writing.

I want to get some books out, set up some daily habits. Really let myself have at the work that I love doing. Maybe even find a few rejection letters.

I have a lot of stuff from over the years all piled up. Some of it I believe is pretty decent. Some other things, not so much. The more I think about it, the more I feel drawn to write select stories and when I ask myself why. The answer is simple.

Because gay.

Told you, simple. It the world of stories you're told to wrote what you know. Well, I know a little about a lot. Doesn't mean I need to write a cookbook about 100 ways to use ramen noodles. Useful, I'm sure, but it wouldn't satisfy me. I need hope. I need struggle. I need the world to see a side of life that not everyone gets to experience.

I need to show someone that it gets better in a way that only I know. So stick with me friends. I'm working on some pretty intense lesbian stories. I can't wait to share them with you.

I Saved My Girlfriend by Not Kissing Her

  In today’s world most of us don’t think twice about kissing out loved ones. Especially if they are about to leave for a trip or just away for a few hours. I don’t live near my girlfriend. She lives up in the city, I live outside, but we both go back and forth a lot. My day job is up there in said city, so it’s not like we don’t see one another often. The other day I was taking her to the train station, making it easy on my car instead of back and forth, and we got there early and sat in the car just talking. Sounds normal right? You would again in today’s world not think much of it. If you’re gay, or lesbian, or even trans however, you do actually think twice on things.

     I didn’t kiss her goodbye. It killed me and broke my heart, but let me tell you why.

     The entire time we sat there, two guys in a car next to us watched us. Intently. Not gesturing, not saying anything, just watching. It made my stomach knot. Fear crept into the back of my mind and warning bells went off. Something in my gut told me not to kiss her that day. Something told me not to be gay. She left on the train and I watched her walk through the doors. The moment she got through, one of the guys got out of the car and walked in after her. No bags, luggage, not even a backpack at nine o’clock at night going up to the city. It was odd. It scared me. I actually was afraid that something would happen to her.

     Did anything? No. But then again, I didn’t kiss her either.  

Hi, My Name is Skadia and I'm a Lesbian

     This isn't how the world works, when someone introduces themselves. It is however, how the world judges. I wanted to talk a bit about how I've been seen differently as a lesbian in just every day normal life. Some of my friends can't believe when I tell them things like this, but when they see it, they all seem to understand a bit more.

     "I don't want a dyke to touch my food." So my day job when I'm not writing is working at a movie theater. I really do love my job and the company is the most accepting that I have ever worked for. Being a lesbian doesn't matter to them. They are even super cool with Trans and just about anything else short of illegal activities. I have honestly had guests waiting in line, only that when I call them they wave me off or ignore me. Only to go to someone's register next to me and gripe 'under their breath' that they cannot imagine why anyone would let 'people like that serve food'. I've even had co-workers hear people talking about the 'stupid dyke who wouldn't -insert whatever rule I followed here-' It happens, a lot more than people realize.

     "You people should all just go die." Again another extreme thing, but I've heard it more than once.

     "Fucking dykes!" This gem is generally yelled out of car windows most often while I am walking with my girlfriend just holding her hand and talking. Or playing pokemon go. Sitting too close will also get the came reaction. I've even had some homeless guy harass me just because my hair is short and for once I actually 'looked gay'. That was a long bus ride.

     I could honestly go on and on about what other's have said or done to me all over the simple fact that I love someone, but I won't. That's not the message I want to send. It's not about hate, it's about love. It's about not being alone in this world. I wanted to share these with you all because you are not alone. Don't let their words control you. Rise up. It sadly won't be going away, you will have to deal with it, so don't let words bother you. They truly don't matter. I mean come on, these people aren't paying your bills, their opinion shouldn't matter one bit. Sure, it can still hurt, but don't take these things personally. You're better than that.

     ~Skadia, the writing panther, who just happens to be gay.